March 20, 2023

What’s the difference between real pain and pain made up in the mind?

Phantom pain…is it real?
What’s the difference between real pain and pain made up in the mind?

Ask anyone who has had a limb amputated and they’ll tell you that it took them a long time to let go of the pain.

I recently spoke to my father, who is a retired plastic surgeon about this.
He spoke about the psychological challenges, especially around deleting the memory of a missing limb.


He told me that soldiers who lost a leg would often get up in the middle of the night screaming with pain, though the limb was removed years ago. The pain was real in their mind.

So how does this apply in sales?
I’ve often found salespeople have a great deal of pain associated with rejection.

Getting No’s isn’t pleasant but it’s only a word.
So why do we associate pain to rejection?

One of the reasons is because the pain we feel from rejection is closely linked to social rejection and we automatically feel it physically.
So our brain decides let’s not do the thing that’s going to make us feel this way.

So what do we do?
Our brain is hardwired to avoid any type of pain, so we avoid doing the thing that makes us feel pain. We don’t pick up the phone to get exposed to that pain of hearing NOs.

How do we get over it even though it’s not real?

There’s a process that we use. The first step is to dispute this thought and then you have to reframe the thought by asking yourself what else could that thought mean, which invariably leads to a different thought, ultimately a different behavioral response from the salespeople.

Once you go through this process you can effectively learn to dispute any thought that is not helpful and get on with doing the thing that creates pain.
Make those calls, get rejected along the way & get meetings.
It’s very liberating and the freedom from this is immense.