September 25, 2015


I often get asked how to get over the choking emotion when the negotiation or deal is on the tipping point. The answer most people expect is something that will not require much work or something that works instantaneously. I'm afraid I will not be able to offer you a quick solution for something as complex as this.

From my experience, no one ever gets over this; they just learn how to manage this emotion better than most. A lot of it also comes down to the environment that you were bought up in; some people are just better at handling this genetically. This is similar to talent that people are born with, such as speed or athleticism or mathematical or music ability. Some things you either have or you don’t. I know this may not be the answer most of you are expecting; however, good news is that it is possible to develop abilities to overcome this.

Some of you may not know but when Roger Federer was younger he often had melt downs on the court, breaking racquets, storming off the court when he was losing. Look at him now! He worked to overcome this behavioural pattern and it took him about 5 years to develop this ability. He was relatively a late developer, winning his first grand slam at age 22. Most of the successful grand slam winners usually win between the ages of 18-20 years. Nadal won the French at 19 years and Pete Sampras won the US open at age 19!

Much of our response to situations is triggered by our habitual way of responding to these situations. These triggers are often ingrained within our unconscious thinking by the environment which we were exposed to or brought up in at a younger age. Of course difficult experiences, eg when you may have lost a deal, have also contributed to this response. Unfortunately, when you face a similar situation you respond in a similar way, because you don’t have the training to change that response. You panic, you don’t think and you respond without thinking.

In the following article I will provide some examples of high performance thinking.

I have had requests from many people wanting to find out if I run programs that help in stressful environments, to help better handle stress and burnout. Normally I run these programs as a specialised session for companies. Because of the demand, I will run my first public course in November, limited to 20 people only. If you are keen to know more about it or to attend, please send me an email at