May 25, 2015


The ability to read oneself

In order to be influential one has to understand oneself extremely well, like the back of your hand.

As I said in my previous post Influencing Successfully Part I, there are 3 prerequisites for influencing successfully:

  1. The ability to read and understand others

  2. The ability to read oneself

  3. Develop flexibility in communication with others

In order to be influential you must be able to read yourself well before you can read anyone else. That means you must be able to interpret how you feel, what thoughts you are having, what perceptions you are creating on events and how your body language is responding to these events.

You need to be paying attention to what you are saying to others and the response you are receiving from them. If you are not getting the response you want consistently, then there is something about you, your behaviour, that is not working. Are you truly listening to them, or are you just paying lip service? If you are not listening to them, you will be impatient in wanting them to finish talking and usually the first thing that comes out of your mouth will be "I can do ….” or “I can offer you this". Note the emphasis on "I".

Have you ever seen people say they are going to do something but their head is shaking in a No signal? That is what we call incongruence.

Part III of this series will talk about developing flexibility in communication with others.